We Are All Amazingly Different.

Reasons Why We Don't See Things The Same Way. Our assumptions about the motives of other peoples’ actions are not always accurate because we are very different; hence, can never know everything going on in someone else’s mind.

Author: Utuje Bénie

So many times, I’ve wondered why people don’t see things like me. You know, that time when you can’t believe that someone did something different from what you thought was the only reasonable thing to do!

I have seen that sometimes we, people, inexcusably believe that our reasoning is always right and should be shared by every rational person. (Honestly, I hate writing about this topic because I am a person: it’s not easy to state facts denouncing what you also do).

You may not see yourself as the smartest person but at one point or another, it becomes really hard not to expect everyone to think like you.

I’ll tell you more about this in a sec but let me first clarify something.

This is not so much related to the obvious moral values we’re all born with and learn at a young age (ex: honesty –we should be honest whatever the circumstances are) as it is to other things that are not written anywhere but people tend to judge like how someone acts, their priorities, and stuff.

Relativity of right and wrong.

A crucial fact that most of us miss is that the concept of what’s right and what’s wrong is relative in many cases. Of course there are some sacrilegious things, mistakes that can never have any digestible justification. Nevertheless things aren’t always black and white.

For example, I like to get mad at my brother for not sympathizing when I tell him my problems. But you can’t conclude that he is insensitive.

Usually, my problems are childish and I want him to be like me and not see that they are. However, if problems were real and he acted as if he didn’t care, that would be super insensitive.

Our assumptions about the motives of other peoples’ actions are not always accurate because we are very different; hence, can never know everything going on in someone else’s mind.

While we are still on this, I can’t deny that sometimes what we perceive as mistakes are truly mistakes. But guess what! Everyone has a flaw, although flaws are different.

Someone may be weak at something that I'm strong at, but this doesn’t give me the right to judge them because there’s somewhere else where I am weak and they are strong.

Priorities and preferences.

People’s priorities are different and there is nothing wrong with that.

The problem comes when we start expecting everyone to prioritize what we prioritize.

Let’s say you and I both get the same salary. If I buy a house and you buy a car; I wouldn't say you are not smart. That’s how it should be in everything else. I know I can give you an advice but you don’t necessarily have to do what I think is right.

While I was thinking about this, it occurred to me that most of the time our irritation isn’t caused by other people’s actions but by our expectations.

Our irritation isn’t caused by other people’s actions but by our expectations. If something is really important to us, we should always communicate it to the people we expect it from in advance instead of just assuming that they know or should know.

Diversity.

I don’t know about you guys, but however much it feels good to find someone who sees things like me, I wouldn’t want everyone to be like me.

Diversity is one of the best things in life, not even considering that it plays an essential role in our survival. The problem is that we only acknowledge it when it satisfies our needs.

To give you an example, my sister is delighted when I choose to sleep at the right side of the bed because it means she gets to sleep at the left; but when I don’t close the door after entering our room, well… she thinks it is disrespectful.

If I were exactly like her, I would never forget to close the door, but then she wouldn’t sleep at the left side every night because I would want to sleep there too.

Well here is the thing: trying to change everyone into you is a wastage of energy because; a) It would never happen, b) it destroys any chances of having great relationships.

Accepting people for who they are.

It’s insane to live in life trying to mold everyone into who we believe they should be. We should keep in mind that they too, if it was possible, they would like to change a lot of things about us.

Before jumping to conclusions based on my viewpoint –if I really can’t help wondering why someone did or didn't do– I should first ask their reasons. Most of the times, they are good.

The reason we feel the urge to force people to change is that sometimes their behaviors bother us. However, correcting one’s attitudes or not is a personal decision.

Correcting one’s attitudes or not is a personal decision.

People shouldn’t change just because we want them to. If they don’t see it fit to do so, I should get over it and learn to live with them. Besides, this would give me peace, boost my patience; and it’s easier and more effective since the person I have to deal with is myself.

In case you were wondering, I don’t mean that people must refrain from correcting others from sabotaging themselves. It would be inhuman.

All I’m saying is that we should accept and love people the way they are without the intention of changing them and forgive their mistakes.

If they improve themselves because of us, that’s awesome; but if they don’t, that’s fine too because everyone is worthy of love.