Reflection, Love, And Games People Play.

Apparently the more the merrier. The more girls I get, the "cooler" I seem. Since when? I wonder! Probably since people's intentions are hidden behind a mountain of lies and sweet talk and the fakest smiles you’ll see in your life. Having an honest conversation became harder for me. But I’m sure it’s not just me. You feel the same way too. Maybe less than me.

Author: Ngabo C.

Last night we messed up. How did it all come to this? Maybe the weather. Guess it was pretty cold. I only realized it till I woke up with a stranger by my bedside. But to me you're no stranger, more like a "Friend with benefits". I guess that's all we are now. What a jerk am I?

Let's not blame the weather. Was it meant to be this way? The most precious physical act reduced to nothing but a formality. Reduced to mean almost nothing? And the question it always brings to my mind.

What are we now? I'll tell you, no longer friends, because now I lost interest in you. After all, is this not what I wanted? Since I can only see your beauty in a bed.

Anyone could say we all lack healthy boundaries. The limits are no longer clear. No line that we shouldn't cross for our own sake. Now we can no longer be just friends, with no benefits we can't. Just another one in a long list of my conquests. Is that really all I see in you?

Who is to blame? I see in you an object and so do you. I am only handsome to you when my wallet is big enough. One could confuse us with kids playing around. I look everywhere trying to find "the one", but I'm confused with a whore. All my friends tell me to settle.

Emotions like sadness, anger, occasional laughter but I haven't felt love in a while. That irreplaceable feeling. Perhaps I'll feel it once I get why I do any of the things that I do. Maybe to get more trophies to showcase to my friends.

Apparently the more the merrier. The more girls I get, the "cooler" I seem. Since when? I wonder! Probably since people's intentions are hidden behind a mountain of lies and sweet talk and the fakest smiles you’ll see in your life. Having an honest conversation became harder for me. But I’m sure it’s not just me. You feel the same way too. Maybe less than me.

How do they do it? Trust so easily? Guess I've been broken so many times, my trust went on with it. Guess I've been through it all and now I just see scenarios repeating themselves. And so it all went along with the rest and there came my ego. Me first. Worst lifestyle I’ve adopted so far.

Those I hurt start ghosting me or I ghost them. I couldn't be happier. I just didn't know how to say this to you but I tried hard and it went nowhere. So thanks for making the first step. All I have to do now is just walk away like I do with everything in my life that never hurt me nor will it start now.

How selfish of me! What about you? What did you feel? Was it all a lie? Was it all fake? I don't know about you but I know I felt something for once. But like most good things in my life, it wasn't going to last. What did we even fight about? All I see now is that it wasn't worth it.

Usually I would say I am sorry but that would be just another lie. I am sorry you found out though. But at the time she seemed prettier than you. I guess I needed a break from all of this. From you. Why? I guess I just got tired of things. Things that sometimes seem pointless.

I was never really good with anyone else but myself. I wish I could say all this taught me a lesson, made me better, but that would be yet another lie. Can anyone tell me how this works? And like always, I go out there telling myself that the next one is the right one.