Who Is To Blame When A Relationship Ends?

The next time you decide to be in a relationship, talk about every detail of your life. If there are things you cannot tolerate, don’t assume they will disappear or be covered by love.

Author: Gakunde

I saw my two good friends put an end on their two years relationship. I have rooted for these two, matter of fact I always thought they would last longer.

I am not a relationships guru. I don’t have all that much experience. Neither am I more interested in all this relationships thing. But these two had made me love the bond, and the idea of someone that was meant for you.

In fact I really looked up to them and I couldn’t imagine anything that would break their bond.

In this era, all we hear about couples is the complexity in them and how things barely work out. Truth to be told, these two had made me believe that love is still there to find.

I have seen them go through hardships together. I have seen them cry, laugh, and travel together. Honestly, they were so adorable. They were the kind of a couple that you would give anything to see them stay together.

Sadly, things were not always lovey-dovey on some days. Grace would come to me complaining how things were hard and how she was tired of the never ending drama, and all that Ivan kept doing to her.

I would tell her to give it time. You know love is patient and all that we tell a friend trying to save their relationship. The next day I would see the two happy together confessing how much they love each other, and I would be like “yeah they sorted it out”.

To be honest I had never thought a day like yesterday would come, where they would break up for good. What really happened? How could this happen?

I think we are terrible at seeing what is in front of us. We are terrible at choosing right mates when we are craving for love. You meet someone and vibe, and you start thinking they are your future.

We ignore their behaviors and our very different lives, visions, and how we see life. Thinking we or our love will change them. The truth is, some things can’t be changed.

When Grace started dating Ivan, I was surprised about it. They are very different and their orientation as well. What they aspire for and the kind of life they wanted to live are different.

You know all those small things. But because they clicked and had great intimacy with each other, plus all the time they spent together, one day they decided to just ignore everything that makes them different and hoped love would save them. Honestly, I too believed them until reality proved me wrong.

What’s the point of going out there searching for love when you can’t be with who your heart loves because you don’t agree on certain things? I kept asking myself this question when I heard of their break up.

A lot of things crossed my mind wondering about all that happened in the last two years. I wondered who to blame, when I knew how they loved each other even when they wouldn’t stop hurting themselves.

On one side I wouldn’t blame Ivan, it’s not that he loves hurting or caring any less. It’s just that he doesn’t know how to love. At least the way Grace wanted to be loved. Ivan didn’t get a chance to receive love like Grace did.

He was taught that for life to be great, one have to work hard and be successful in their career and everything else would fall in place.

All he needed to do was to provide for her and she would take care of him. In Ivan’s point of view, Grace was being hard to maintain and she was making him feel less of a man he is.

He kept bringing this up whenever Grace bought him gifts, or didn’t want to cook for him. He claimed she wasn’t giving him respect and She was not being a wife material woman, which would break Grace’s heart.

Before He met Grace, He’s been trying to love, but the only love he received back is the love for his treasures. And so he grew to believe that he had to be rich in order to be valued. It’s not that he was naive. He has been told to focus on what they told him real men should do.

This and other issues are what made them argue over and over. he isn’t the one to blame, it's what society taught him. It's how he was brought up, and to him, this was the way of life.

On the other hand, Grace being the only kid in her family, She had grown up surrounded by love, and love to her was a necessity. Her mother had taught her to work hard and be independent. Her life was full of emotions, so she wouldn’t understand how Ivan didn’t value that.

She grew to believe that no one will be her provider but herself. So whenever she talked about that to Ivan, he would feel intimidated and tell her that’s manly. They argued a lot on this issue.

I would say that’s the little that I knew about these two but all I knew is they were different. These are differences that kept bringing them into fights every now and then.

I can not blame Grace because she did it in the way she thought was the right way, and Ivan too, he thought he was doing the right thing. But the little details that kept hurting them on the road is what kept leading to a final break up.

Sometimes no one is right or wrong. There is no one to blame but themselves. The fault is on both of them. If they had talked about everything before committing to a love relationship, without ignoring red flags, hoping the other partner would change on the road, they would have saved each other all that pain.

People are different and you can’t find someone that is just like you, but you can find someone with the same vision. And you two can be a perfect match.

How does anyone live after losing the lover of their lives? I kept asking myself this question every day, until one day I realized that was a chapter of my life in the past.

I live everyday trying to find good in life, to be a better person, and spread kindness. I have spent these years learning to forgive myself and forgive others. It's not an easy journey but I daily walk trying to heal and be better than I was yesterday.

The next time you decide to be in a relationship, talk about everything that is important to you. If there are things you cannot tolerate, don’t assume they will disappear or be covered by love. You will be avoiding future regrets. I will do that too.