To The Wounded Soul On The Healing Journey.

Dear wounded soul who cannot see your way out.

I want you to know that you’re not alone......

Author: Ndahiro Semugeshi

Life isn’t fair. It is not perfect. It is not just. 

What I didn't know is how everything I went through would affect my life in the future. Several challenging experiences affected my health, mind, relationships, performance, and success. My life changed the day I looked inside and faced my wounds.

I've lost loved ones (including my dad). I got bullied (because of my face). I suffered multiple illnesses.

In the past twenty years, I was constantly sick, traumatized, or broken. No words of inspiration were good enough to even scratch the surface of my pain. I never thought I would make it. But I’m here.

Nothing will change in your life unless you are willing to face everything that happened to you. I mean everything!!! The sooner you look in, the sooner you will heal.

I want you to know that change is possible. I want you to believe that healing and happiness is possible. But there is a catch. Although it’s possible, available in abundance, it’s simple but not easy.

It will take everything you have and everything you are to shift everything you've known. I can insure you that. Let no one lie to you that you will heal in one night. What took years to build up will also take almost the same amount of force and time to heal. Here are few things I did to get at this point in my life.

1. Know where you need to heal.

"Diagnosis is as important as healing."– Ndahiro Healing doesn’t happen by accident. It starts by knowing where you are hurting and getting a clear description and details about your pain, suffering, and wounds. You need to look deeper into yourself. You need to be honest with yourself. You will have to stand in front of the mirror and look at everything in you that hurts. No amount of magic can help you heal what you are not aware of. You can’t apply medicine to an unknown wound. You can’t deploy your army to unknown battles. You need to know and understand why you need to heal. Know thyself! Make a list of all you insecurities, shame, guilty, and anything that makes you uncomfortable. Once you have done it, make it your mission to face them. Go where you are uncomfortable. 

2. Healing does NOT start out there. It starts in you.

What if everything you think is holding back isn’t true? If I may ask, what do you think is stopping you from healing? Is it:

• Lack of resources.

• Other people.

• An unfavorable environment.

Healing isn’t coming from your friends, family, or society. Healing starts with you. 

3. Healing is NOT about the degree of pain.

You can experience large amounts of pain and heal quickly. You could also have what you think is small amounts of pain and it will take you a while to heal. People who are happy and transformed aren’t necessarily people who had a lot of pain. No amount of pain can change your life. No amount of tragedy is equal to the degree of success and happiness in your life.  Although there could be a correlation between pain and success as well as failure and success, it’s not the degree of pain that determines the outcome. It’s all about the subject. Those who succeed with little can succeed when they are in plenty. The outcome is determined by individuals themselves. It’s about people who are going through these experiences. It's about individual’s awareness and mindset that will determine the outcome of their efforts applied on their experiences. So, more pain won’t give you joy and more hurt and suffering won’t bring you everything you want in life. 

4. Healing is not a destination; It is a Journey.

Before you start the healing journey, you need to understand what it is and what it is not. Healing is not about a destination, a place, resources, or amount of pain and tragedy you have in order to heal. Healing doesn’t care about all of that. In fact, healing is a process. You probably have heard someone say they will heal when they have x,y,z, or when they go to Mecca, or until the day of prayer, etc... We often think that we need to go somewhere in order to heal. What we don't realize is that we can heal anywhere.   What are you going to do while you are waiting to get the perfect time or the perfect conditions to heal? What if you can't afford the self imposed conditions?

5. Be willing to face and fight yourself.

"Man conquers the world by conquering himself." – Zeno

The healing journey starts with you. It’s the toughest battle you will ever face. It will hurt like hell.

Your first reaction and instinct will be to protect your wounds and scars. You will do it without knowledge. Although quitting isn't what you want.

This is where most people lose the battle. They give into protecting their wounds and soft hearts that they miss the objective which is to heal those hurting wounds.

Show me anyone who is suffering, I will guarantee you they are still holding onto their pain and wounds. And it makes sense. 

Who in their right minds would intentionally try to touch their pain? You have to be out of your mind. You have to be willing to sacrifice your pain to gain victory. The worst part of it is that you will have to do it yourself. It’s like operating on yourself without anesthesia. That is why it’s called self improvement.

It's up to you to research, read, seek help, yell, cry, and fight your own battles. Unfortunately, we know how to do this for other things but we neglect our own mental and emotional lives.

How many nights have you spent studying your insecurities, fears, and temper? Can you imagine what would happen if you constantly did that? You can't conquer the world before you conquer yourself.

6. Beware of 'The Blame Game' as a barrier to healing.

"What’s really holding back? Excuses, Obstacles, or Yourself?"–Ndahiro

Whatever tragedy happened to you, whoever you think wronged you, healing starts by taking responsibility and ownership of your problems. You may have been a victim but you are responsible for your life no matter what happens. 

We may never be in control of what happens to us but we are responsible for what we do afterwards. Your reaction and response to what happens to you matters. It’s what makes a difference.

We all get hurt at some point in our lives. We all encounter problems. There is no shortage of tragedy in this world. Rather, a greater part is the world doesn't know what we are in lack of (resolution).

7. Heal yourself from thinking you deserve pain. You're NOT a bad person.

Stop punishing yourself!

You can be happy regardless of how flawed you think you are. I’ve met people who thought their pain was a result of their sins. It is not. Bad things happens to all people. It is a part of life. Healing takes intentionality, awareness, and mindset. What you need is already in you. No punishment you think you deserve will magically deliver everything you wish for in life. You are not a crime. You re not a curse.

  8. Have the unshakable desire to get out of pain.

What do you desire most? Do you want more pain or more joy and happiness? Yes you’ve been hurt. There is no doubt that you’ve experienced true pain. If you need therapy, please, get therapy. In the end, you have to desire to get out. 

I meet a lot of people who have become allies and friends with their pain. They have settled in slavery and mediocrity. They have accepted the status quo and have no plan to ever get out. 

In therapy, I hear people talk about their pain, to the level of praising it and magnifying it. They seem to be in awe of discomfort. In the end, I wonder:

• What about what they want? 

• Do they even desire to leave this misery? It’s unsettling.

It seems like a lot of people actually live this kind of life. I hope you won’t be one of them. The healing journey start with you. Who is you?

All parts of you have to be aligned to cause a hurricane of emotions and desire to be happy. It starts with the hunger and thirst to quit and leave your discomfort to make healing your reality.

9. Commitment to the healing process.

Growth must be intentional. Intentionality is where you find the magic of discipline. Discipline is where you will find out one of the hard truths about the pursuit of healing, growth and self improvement. 

You will soon learn how hard it is to force yourself to do what your mind, body, and and soul know is best for you. Failing to commit is why we fail to follow through.

It’s not enough to want healing. It’s not enough to desire and hope for change.  Healing requires us to have a dedicated mindset, regardless of the pain and discomfort one is bound to go through while on the journey.

It takes not only awareness, mindset, and aptitude to learn but your daily habits and discipline. This is where the rubber meets the road. You will sweat fighting your resistance. Laziness, procrastination, and complexity will paralyze your growth. 

You will see others pass you and wonder what you missed. You will think maybe they have super powers, magic, more resources, or luck. The truth is the majority of our success comes from our habits.

• John C. Maxwell's rule of 5. 

"Picture a tree in your backyard that needs to be cut down. If you grab an ax and take five good swings at the tree each day, eventually you will chop it down. It may take a month to fell a small tree, while a big tree may take years to topple. The size of the tree isn’t the issue; the real question is whether or not you diligently take five swings at it every day.

Rule of 5 asks: “What are the five things I must like to do in order to be successful?” Posing this question cuts to the heart of the daily behaviors necessary to win in your chosen profession.

For example, to excel as an author, there are five things that must happen each day:

1. Reading

2. Thinking

3. Filing good material

4. Asking questions

5. Writing

Your diligence, obsession, and zeal to heal will determine your success. There is no doubt about that. In order to achieve anything meaningful in this world, even healing, we must invest numerous hours in order to become great at it and for it to become second nature to us.

• The 10,000 hours rule.

According to the the book Outliers, as explained by Malcolm Gladwell, you need the average of ten thousands hours to become great at something. Healing as well.

Of course, the journey towards healing might not take everyone seeking it 10,000 hours, but, it does take time. 

The point is, healing relies on an individuals habits, discipline, and willpower for it to be successful.

Like anything that matters in life, healing requires personal sacrifice in order to achieve true happiness and fulfillment.

Have you been struggling in your life? Do you need help to find healing? Please reach out to our community. Leave a comment below or send us an email at info@sautizetu.com We would like to help.