Living Alone In Lockdown.

If I knew ahead of time what the future had in store, I’d never have left home in the first place. I would have chosen to be with my family when quarantine begun. I would have chosen to go to Morogoro right before lockdown. At least, I would be broke at home, but not alone.

Hi, my name is Lisa. I am 25 years old. I currently live in Kigali, Rwanda alone but my hometown is Morogoro, Tanzania. I am not sure if I should tell you this, it is just that I have no other choice.

So I have been in this city for 3 years now. It is friendly and welcoming. Kigali is beautiful and I love it. I have always loved it until this Covid-19 happened and I was supposed to be locked in my house all alone.

When it started, I thought it was not a big deal. I thought at some point, my friends will be coming over and have fun. It is not like I didn’t realize what was happening. I just thought it wouldn’t be that bad where I couldn’t leave my house.

I became so obsessed with social media. I signed up for different platforms, and started following a virtual world that I never really liked before. I watched all these videos, tutorials and learning sessions.

I thought life was as easy as it’d ever be. I had food and drinks from my money saved up. I even had so much time to read and read all the articles I have always wanted to read. Ooh and I even had time to call my friends abroad. Video calls and group calls were my daily life.

The following days I started looking back to my movies list. I had a very long list of those I noted down whenever somebody recommended a movie. I watched all of them. I even watched those I never really thought I would ever watch like comedies. Ooh men, I hate comedies.

In addition to that, I explored my capabilities. I started trying things like drawing, singing, playing mobile games and online dating. Well, of course amongst all, online dating worked way better than all of the above. Guess I was talking to people living the same life as I was living. I felt so connected to the life. I liked it.

That was my early quarantine days. I was so sure I was going to love it. Actually so far I was already into it. Then life hit me. Everything got so boring, and I started getting fed up of my online life.

I looked around, even my boyfriend by then was an online boyfriend. It got so fake and unreal, and I was just there looking like a foolish young lady in a country which is not mine.

I started not having enough stock and I started mismanaging my money. Well, part of it is because I ordered so many things online until I became broke. I thought the quarantine wasn’t going to take long. I thought I would go back to work soon and make money again.

Therefore, my unhappy days started. Food and internet became low, and my online boyfriend started seeming like a fantasy. I felt stupid and dumb. Not even my social medias could help me anymore. I wished I had someone to talk to at least.

I wished I owned a dog. The house became too big, and my home looked like an empty hall. I started wandering around my house and the 24-hours a day became long and felt like a small insect living in a jungle.

I wished I was friends with my neighbors. I started learning the habit of talking to myself. I made jokes, and laughed at everything I said. Funny right? Even the fact that I was talking to myself itself was a joke. I wished walls in my living room could talk.

My mind has never run like it did in those days. I even remembered those people I left behind; those cute guys I played hard to get with, and the friends I never had time for. I wanted to call them all and let them know how sorry I was, and how I regretted everything.

Well, that was the good part. It had me reflect on my mistakes. One day I decided not to live that life anymore. I was tired of missing my friends, and yet I wasn’t going to see them. I missed my home, and it was a bit far! Not to mention that people in my hometown were not in a lockdown.

They were free to move. And there was work. I couldn’t work. How could I live if I wasn’t working? I was a sales receptionist in some company, and the moment we were sent home by the government they said they’d call me someday.

I had a feeling they weren’t going to call me though I had no choice. I had problems with my supervisor those days because we argued all the time and he grabbed the first chance he could get to get rid of me. I was broke, alone and doomed.

People say good times will let your heart live to its fullest, but when bad times arrive the same heart will die before you know it.

If our hearts would sense what’s ahead, you’d be ready for anything. You’d fight whatever comes your way. If I knew ahead of time what the future had in store, I’d never have left home in the first place. I would have chosen to be with my family when quarantine begun. I would have chosen to go to Morogoro right before lockdown. At least, I would be broke at home, but not alone.

I would choose to have a boyfriend in time like those. I really wish I wasn’t so desperate to have a partner, when I was actually supposed to be saving for food.

Well, if I were to know what’s coming, I would have chosen to know my neighbors. I would’ve become friends with them so I wouldn’t feel like I lived in an empty neighborhood. I 'm not sure if they knew I wasn’t Rwandan. I have never said hi to any of them.

If I had known before, I could’ve known better than arguing with my supervisor at work. I could’ve chosen to find a common ground instead of always reminding him about my rights as a woman, and a foreigner. If only I’d known. I would have made sure I wasn’t going to be alone in lockdown.