I Thought My Life Was Over When This Happened.

He always tried to make every moment with me count. Then he died, and I died as well. I was empty without James in this life.

Author: Inshuti Divine

I am making memories and every moment with you counts every chance I get. I know I am young and dumb, but I am sure of one thing. I will forever be grateful to heavens that I have had this privilege of living this life with you while it lasted. I love you.”

I still have these words running in my mind as I am sitting on my bed. It's cold outside and dark. If it wasn’t, I would have loved to go out and have a long walk to remember my little brother, James.

These are words that I will never forget. It's not only because they are sweet and touching, but because they are beautiful and tender. Plus, they were his last words he said to me.

James has always been a good kid, a good brother, and a good listener at his young age. I often shared with him things I was afraid of. He could always remind me that he is always with me in whatever I did by saying that; “we are in this together.”

He always assured me looking in my eyes, holding my hand firmly, with his fearless eyes. I’d forget all my fears and trust him. I’d then have a sudden feeling that we could beat the world together.

Yes, he acted like a big brother probably because he was tall, so responsible, charming, and reassuring. Guess what, I was three years older than him. People who saw us walking together or being together in public, thought he was my older brother.

On my twentieth birthday, James took me outside at night. Of course I knew he would buy me something. He was seventeen and was the type of person to give gifts on any occasion like when he bought all of us (my 4 other siblings and dad) gifts for my mother's birthday thanking her for the life we have, and for us to have been so good to her. That is how sweet my James was.

Things turned upside down when I followed him outside to get his gift. We walked silently so others won’t wake up; I was in my night dress and he was still in his sweaty pants from earlier that day (I could sense whatever the gift was, had taken a lot of his time).

When we reached out, we sat under the tree planted right beside our main gate. It was still cold and dark, also getting scarier as we were getting used to the atmosphere. James then asked me to close my eyes.

Of course my started wondering what could be the gift. I started thinking about all the things he might be able to buy me, and those he might not (I just had to think about everything). As my eyes were closed, he held my hands and he started praying.

I honestly didn’t know what to think. Was there a gift, or was he praying for it? I stayed still with my eyes closed and waited. He took a while and I almost got tired of waiting.

Yeah I knew it was stupid coming out for a gift and get prayers instead. I just didn’t want to interrupt James.

Later afterwards, he got done and I was relieved. But what I didn’t know was that he was after my salvation. He then started teaching me, preaching and giving me testimonies of things I didn’t know.

He revealed to me his journey to salvation and I was touched. He then convinced me to receive the gift anyone could ever want. Which was Salvation!

I know it is lame! I received Jesus Christ as my savior through my younger brother. In his small and honest voice he said; “thank you Jane for not declining my gift. My heart is singing with joy, and now I can see your bright future from today in God’s hands.”

We spent the night praising despite the darkness and the cold. Very funny, but it is a gift that changed my life. It is a night I'll can never forget.

The following day, on our way to church, a car almost hit me. James pushed me aside to save me. Unfortunately, the car hit him instead. I hate this part, I hate to remember it. But what can I do? We took him to the hospital, and he told me the same words.

He always tried to make moments with me count. Then he died, and I died as well. I was empty without James in this life.

On the same day when it all happened, I was sitting in my room unable to go out in the same cold and darkness that I spent with him. I couldn't even cry. I was just asking myself the same thing I thought about the day James died.

He shouldn't have put himself in my place. He didn’t deserve to die even though I'm still alive because he saved me. I thought my life was over when he died. I died with him. I remembered the night when he said my bright future is in God’s hands.

I believe he is always with me everyday and in everything.

“We are in this together!” he would said.