Crucial Skills They Don't Teach You In School.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

~Albert Einstein

Author: Sauti Zetu.

• Outliers

• Indistractable

• Atomic Habits

• The War Of Art

• Professional Trouble Maker

• Stumbling On Happiness

• The Art Of Impossible

• Lost Connections

• Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals

• Growing Young: How Friendship, Optimism, and Kindness Can Help You Live to 100.

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Introduction

“Let the improvement of yourself keep you so busy that you have no time to criticize others.” ~ Roy T. Bennett

You'd think I learned a lot in school but I didn't. In my experience, schools taught me little compared to what I learned on my own. Like many, I was raised to think education could only be found in education system. To my surprise, I lost every appetite I had of learning the moment I stepped in class.

I spent most of my time arguing and fighting with teachers about grades instead of allowing me to learn what I was curious about. I was once suspended for failing to bring counting sticks for math class which I always nailed with straight As. But my teachers were often hooked on the idea of confirming to what everybody was doing instead of teaching and enlightening our minds.

What education system has done is convincing us to pay a lot of money for a piece of paper that doesn't prove we learned anything. I know a lot of young men and women with master's degrees who cannot mention anything they learned. Why spend years in a so called school environment only to come out with nothing?

As Nelson Mandela said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” The question is, what kind of education are you getting? Are you being schooled or being educated as Mark Twain would put it?

In order to succeed in this life, we need more skills that can't found on college campuses and classrooms. Education is about learning. And learning is about being curious to know more and everything that excites us. Are you learning or memorizing facts and other people's notes and discoveries? These are few skills that I wish I learned in school.

Self Leadership

“People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.” ~ F. M. Alexander”

What makes one person invest money while the other is buying a brand new car? What makes some people spend nights trying to come up with solutions that will improve their lives while others are sleeping in their pain and chaos?

What makes a young lady choose to walk on feet instead of accepting advances from men she doesn’t know?

Where do authors, leaders, and thought leaders get their wisdom? Where do they get the knowledge of what they need to do? Do they own a secret source or tool that gives them hidden information that the majority of us can’t have? It’s not a mystery as you might think. It's the art of self control, and self parenting. The ability to take responsibilities of your own life.

These are people who choose to take matters in their own hands. They seek, find, learn, and build what they want in their lives. They know they are authors of their lives and co-creators of whatever they want in life.

It’s mind blowing that grownups are being taught how to make their beds in this century. Self improvement industry produces books and material of all kinds to teach grownups how to manage their lives. Yet, we are still being taught how to fold our laundry and wash dishes.

You can blame society, gods, educations system, and bad weather, but what you can’t deny is your part. Which part is yours? Forget what nobody gave you, what about what you could give yourself that you are too lazy to find and conquer?

There is a time when you can no longer rely on anybody but yourself. When no government is forcing taxes and quarantine on you, when parents and siblings aren’t waking you up in the morning to go to school, and when gods aren’t sending prophets to tell worn. A time will come when everything will depend on your own ability to wake your ass up, make plans, and work hard to fulfill your needs.

You can make a lot of money but no one will tell you how to manage it, spend it, or multiply it. You will have a lot of opportunities and lack, but in the end it’s up to you to know when to slow down, push harder, cut off unnecessary stuff, or take risks.

This is what self parenting, self leadership, and self management is all about. You are your own secretary, leader, parent, and guide in this chaotic life.

Everybody needs help

No one has the right to enter your life and tell you what to do unless you allow them by asking for help and advice. Unfortunately, most of us are too dumb to recognize it when we need help and guidance.

So we keep walking through the wall in pride because we are too embarrassed and egocentric to admit that we don’t know what to do. There are millions and millions of books, information, and people who can save you from failing.

The question is, are you even aware of your shortcomings and ignorance? You can’t find what you can’t see, and you can’t have what you are blind to pursue.

We get what we intentionally pursue or ask for. Beyond that, you only get left overs by chance and luck. Those who are wise and awake, make their luck.

• They ask for help when they don’t know.

• They knock on doors when they are confused.

• They stay sharp by reading and learning constantly.

• They inform themselves when they are blocked and limited.

• They seek anything and anyone who can shade a light on something that might save their lives instead of waiting for the Good Samaritan, luck, or gods to intervene in their lives.

Remember this one thing. There is time to be born, to grow, and to suffer forward. The power is all in your hands.

Delaying Gratification

"I can remain focused on and suffer for the big thing more than anyone else." ~Tommy Cardwell.

Those who can’t have what they want, and unwilling to work hard for it will be slaves and victims of their desires. Being used to receiving rewards too soon or immediately, is probably what kills people’s minds from their childhood.

When a child cries, the parent provides. The cycle continues until we become dependents. Then we become grown ups who can’t hold our breath whenever we can’t have what we want.

Most things in life take time. Time is the commodity and fuel for growth and success. You can’t plant a seed and saw tomorrow. There are no shortcuts to success. Anything worthwhile has a price.

Some of us would rather take the shortcut instead of being patient to gain what would sustain us in the long run. We seek immediate gratification while comparing ourselves to those who are not on our level. Why? Because we are impatient.

Once you understand this one concept, you will not lose your mind. You will walk at your own paste without fear. You will run your own race on your own terms and win your prize.

The ability to delay reward can be linked to how we treat others, see success, and what we do. Delaying gratification can be seen in different ways. For example, you can see it in how people prepare or plan their day.

For me, I practice delayed gratification by learning hard skills like software design, copy writing, and understanding human behaviors. I’m always trying to learn something that might be useful in the future.

Your future will be determined by the person you will become. What are you doing to become the person your future self will be grateful for? Are you doing the hard work or just waiting for life to fix itself? Start preparing and making choices that your future self will be grateful for.

Planning

“By Failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ~ Benjamin Franklin.

Two business explorers were sent to Africa to find a market for shoes manufacturing companies. The first one came back with a report saying; “They don’t wear shoes. We can’t sell them”

Then the second one came back with a different report saying; “Yes they don’t wear shoes, and because of this I see a great opportunity here once we teach them the importance of wearing shoes.”

You can imagine who got the deal. This is a story from a book called “The Art Of Possibilities.”

• If I’m writing this article in this language that my great great parents didn’t know existed, is not by accident.

• If billions of people today worship the same god, with new names given by their priests and imams, it’s not an accident.

• If the world economy depends on American trading systems infrastructures, it’s not by accident.

• If you are watching a movie, a TV series, or news on a streaming service like Netflix, Hulu, of YouTube, it’s not by accident.

• If you are wearing a blue jean, shoes made in Italy, or shirt made in china, it’s not by accident.

• If you are using an iPhone, driving a Toyota, while sitting on leather chairs in the office built by metal from Congo, that too isn’t an accident.

• If you have the internet, a computer, and a social media account to connect with people from all corners of the planet, that too isn’t a mistake or accident.

They are all results of a great plan laid down by people you don’t even know and will never know in your entire life.

It all started in Berlin. Years ago when the planet was still in the solitude of tribes. Uninterrupted, pure, and peaceful. Somewhere in what we now call Europe, change was happening rapidly.

Their population was growing, industries were being born, and the market was small for their products. What was the answer? Nobody knew.

So they met in Berlin and conspired, forged, and envisioned a plan that will change the world as we know it. The plan was to create;

• World order

• Globalization which was creating one market place

I'm not idolizing the West. My aim of this story is its nature, intent, behind it, and what we learn from it.

If you want to know the plan and how it was carried away, you can find it in history books. What you don’t need books for, are the results and consequences of that plan.

We have been worshiping gods from Middle East, have been given names and education of Westerners, and have been indoctrinated to consume products of foreign brands. Where are our brands, gods, names, and products? How can we create them without a plan?

While making conversation with my friends, what we all agree on is the need for change in our countries. The question is how can we make it happen?

What frustrates me is the implementation of change and how it’s going happen. Wanting change isn’t enough. Making it happen is the real work. Nothing ever happens without following a clear, long perceived, and drown plan. Of course drawing a plan isn’t an easy task. It is the hardest part of the equation.

This is why we need to learn the art of planning. If there is one skill that all successful people start to understand and acquire, is making plans of what they want to achieve.

If having a vision and wishing for it was that easy, everyone would have been able to make their dreams come true. But there is a reason the majority of our dreams, visions, and hopes fail to manifest. We start in the wrong place.

I’m not idolizing the west. If it’s anything, I envy them. Which is why I will die doing everything I can to educate myself and my community about these hidden skills that made the west a worldwide superpower.

Knowing isn’t enough. Maintaining and following through our plans for the future of our people is why the west is still dominating the world.

The same plan that was laid down by their first ancestors is still alive today. No matter who is the leader. Their goals and mission is still the same. Their mission is being the best at what they do no matter what.

This is what makes them work together regardless of their differences. It’s why they are even capable of working with the enemy of their enemies to achieve their goals.

You’ve heard the term “divide and conquer.” How could they do it? And if they can do it, why not us? Why can’t we work our enemies to fight them?

The issues is in the ability to see far, and plan accordingly. How can you get what you never saw?

If there is any chance of the rest of the world to beat them, it will have to be a long lasting plan that generations in those nations will keep till the end of times without rest distraction.

Every leader, and their future leader must embody the same message and mission. I bet European ancestors like Columbus never imagined a world like this. All they wanted was to secure and pave a path for their future generation. Results are clear and simple. They succeeded.

Influence

Any idea can be great until it’s executed and proven to work.

Believe it or not, you are always selling something. Weather you know it or not. As long as you are on this planet, you will always deal with people who need to be educated, influenced, and worn over to be able to work with you.

We sell ourselves in dating, in job interviews, in debates, in public speaking, and casual human interactions.

It take a lot to convince at least one human being to join you or buy something from you. It’s up to you to make it happen. Now that you know what it takes, are you ready to do what it takes?

Let me break it to you. There is no gain without you being able to make people believe in whatever you are selling. You need to get this in your head first. Then deploy a strategy to make it happen.

The ability to sell and win people, is unique to each one of us. What makes it hard is trying to copy what everyone else is doing. Selling, networking, and influencing people is all about caring about people using what we know better and do well.

I don’t have any doubt that we all have unique skills to share, serve, and touch people’s hearts. The problem we spend time trying other people’s methods that are not working for us.

I’m aware that you might need more information to learn the art of selling but it will be built on top of what you are uniquely good at. So start from their. If you care enough to share your message, people will find you. All you need is to care enough to show up in the arena and share what you have to offer.

Decision Making

"You are one decision away from a completely different life." ~ Mel Robbins.

The quality of your life is a sum of decisions you make. You always have a choice to choose which path to take.

The quality of your life depends on the quality of your decision. Every single moment we are given choices to pick from.

Most of us live as if the quality of our lives depends on external events and people. We spend a lot of time just debating or dwelling in situations without realizing that it’s up to us to make those decisions.

We are often blind to the fact that no one else can make a decision for us. I wish I learned this lesson earlier in my life. So many times I thought decisions were not mine. I thought life was what I was dealt with.

I thought I had no power over unwanted events in my life. I didn’t realize I had the key all this time. Parents, teachers, pastors, priests, governments, and gods have brainwashed us to think they know what is best for us. So we seat around hopping they will come to our rescue.

We wait on them to tell us when we need to move or end things. We wait for their approval to feel comfortable about whatever we need to do. How pathetic is that?

In this life, you have one and one only mission. Your mission is to take good care of yourself and people you choose to take along with you on your journey. It’s nobody’s business to make decisions for you because they don’t live your life’s choices. Only you will reap consequences of your choices.

Everyone makes decisions to serve themselves. So learn to make yours. Be courageous to say yes and no to what you want and what is serving you. Allow yourself to lead yourself to the land and opportunities of your choosing.

Purpose

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Ask yourself this question. If you were not required to do anything on this planet, what would you do?

What would you wake up for? Would you invent your own career, education, hobbies, and interests? Think about it. This is the birth of this rare habit and life changing skill called taking initiative.

When the government’s order to start quarantine started, most people were worried about what they were going to do in their free time. One of my coworker, asked me lamenting what he would do with his time.

To my surprise, I couldn’t believe someone who were in college would lack things to do. This made me realize how most of us would be miserable if nobody would;

• Hire use

• Preach to us

• Teach us

• Ask us on a date

We are cripples without the imaginations of others. Most of us are living other people’s ideologies. We are living other people’s life styles.

Have you ever thought about where ideas, beliefs, and traditions you practice come from? Are they yours? Are you even aware your whole life is made of decisions, practices, and things you didn’t invent?

Hold on, let me stop scaring your pants off. We are all recycling vampires. We copy from what others have done before. No baby would learn anything without copying from their elders. But we shouldn’t stop there.

We should grow to become independent and capable beings who can envision, plan, design, and create anything we want in our lives without waiting for others.

I have never seen anyone who ever succeeded without taking some kind of initiative to invest, learn, create, ask, or pursue something. You can’t get what you aren’t willing to pursue.

It’s people who start who get somewhere. It’s people who move who stumble on unknown and hidden treasures. Have you built this habit in your life? How often do you take initiative to start a conversation, create, solve a problem, or give?

We are often cursed not by evil spirits but by inability to take initiative. I bet your relationships, finances, health, spirituality, mental health, and well being in general would improve if only you got up on your ass and took some initiative to learn, train, and fix everything you don’t like in your life. But who am I to tell you that?

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” ~ Shannon Alder

Nothing is sexy like a person who wakes up with a mission, a goal, and fire to change their lives. Effort always pays off. So wake up and take initiative;

• Even if it’s just you.

• Even if no one is watching.

• Even if no one is recognizing you.

• Even if no one gives a shit.

• Even if you are alone.

This is why our communities are suffering to begin with. We are all seating there hopping and thinking someone else will start, build, and give us what we want.

We are all bystanders in tragedies, and chaos of our lives. Why are we then crying and blaming each other if we haven’t done anything to show our efforts?

Problem Solving

“What are the things I need to know and do differently to get out of the situation I'm facing? If you can honestly answer this question then you are in the right path to solve your problem” ~ Dr. Lucas D. Shallua

What do you do when you spot a challenge, an obstacle, or an issue that makes you uncomfortable? Do you stay and face it?

Do you repel against it or do you turn your back and find another route? Problems and conflicts are part of life. Understanding this truth will be the beginning of your freedom.

How to communicate, interact, and cooperate without insults, fights, guns, and fists is the subject of conflict resolution. Yet, this skill is rarely taught. We know how to disarm bombs, build nuclear weapons and large submarines but we can’t learn to understand one another.

Problems are inevitable as long as we are still alive. They are fumes that burn wherever more than one human beings are gathered. Family drama, tribal and nations wars are all results of conflicts. How interesting is it that we have no permanent solution to this never ending problem!

No one is without problems. Everyone is struggling with something they can’t solve. So, is it wise to run away from that which is inevitable? Problems and conflicts will always be with us no matter where we hide. We can’t avoid them.

Most of us hope we didn’t fight with our fiends, families, and coworkers. We hope there was a world without conflicts. What a wishful thinking. There will always be conflicts wherever humans are.

We need to invest more resources and efforts into this skills. You will always be ahead if you can dissolve conflicts before they appear. In my entire experience, people are terrible. We are all difficult. We want to be able to get away with everything regardless of who we run over.

We don’t like sharing and considering other people’s wellbeing. How naive are we? How can we survive without others? How can we secure our longterm survival when others are failing.

As Simon Sinek says it in his book, The Infinite Game, we are all in the infinite game. There is no us without others.

We are all players and we need to play well with others for all of us to win. Which is why we need to learn how to solve conflicts.

If we played well we wouldn’t have conflicts to solve. Conflicts are products of our poor and unwise treatments towards others. We are often victims of poor treatments we give others.

How can we be inconsiderate of others and expect them to play fair with us? Conflict resolution starts with conflict reduction. Once we have reduced conflicts, then we can learn to solve inevitable ones.

You need conflict resolution to succeed in relationships, businesses, organizations, and communities. Let’s not run away from them. We can’t run away from problems and conflicts and hope we will live happily ever after without pain and problems.

Avoiding conflicts will only bring more trouble. We are still fighting issues like racism, gender equality, rape, and so forth because we’ve been adamant and reluctant to face our issues head to head.

So, do yourself a favor and face any conflict whenever you get a change. You will be doing yourself a big favor.

Awareness

“Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to one's awareness of one's ignorance.”

~ Anthony de Mello

How does anyone gain over 300 lbs without knowledge? We make mistakes every single day not because we are incapable and ignorant but because we are unaware of what is happening to us. Awareness is the ability to assess, see, recognize the difference.

Most people go through life like a wind. We live most of our lives like zombies who don’t know what is happening to us. We are all victims of our sub-conscience mind.

This mind has the ability to take over our will power and manipulate us in doing things we never imagined we would do. Statements like if I knew, I wish I knew, and so forth would never exist if we cultivated this skill. If we learned to pay attention we wouldn’t be walking into traps blindly.

If you want to succeed in this fast and busy society, you need to learn to direst your attention to things that are most important and meaningful that will add value to your life.

The difference between those ahead of you is more effort, attention, grit, resilience, and will to remain focused without distraction to pursue and do whatever they put their minds to.

While others are playing video games, you will be learning something new. Attention control is not about what you do necessarily. It’s how you do what you do. Are you fully engaged? Are you capturing all information and knowledge or are you just pretending to be learning?

In his book Outliers, Malcom Gladwell discusses the ten thousand hours rule and other tools like deliberate practice. Practicing without diligence is futile.

Experience doesn’t come by simply practicing. It’s evaluated practice that yields experience as John C. Maxwell puts it. You have to be paying attention, aware, and focused to be able to become the best at what you do.

Fulfilment

“Impact is rewarding. Mattering makes us happy.” ~ Dan Gilbert.

The ability to find fulfillment is in the ability to be grateful in the present while solving future problems.

Since we are born, we are taught how to achieve more. We are naturally born hungry for more. What we don’t learn is appreciating what we have and how to be fulfilled.

We are often tricked to think our misery comes from lack of more and enough while it’s the ability to enjoy and feel abundance. You can have a lot and feel empty. There is an infinite void we constantly try to fill everything we can think of.

Unfortunately, nothing can make us feel fulfilled until we learn the art of fulfillment. Fulfillment starts with gratitude, generosity, then with serving the greater good of humanity.

“Among life’s cruelest truths is this one: wonderful things are especially wonderful the first time they happen, but their wonderfulness wanes with repetition.” ~ Dan Gilbert.

First we need to recognize that we are enough and have enough to go around without constantly being on our feet fighting for more. Let’s learn to enjoy the fresh air, the breeze of the sunset, and the comfort of our hearth.

There is no amount of money that can buy you more time, and the ability to feel and experience life. So take in account of that. Don’t just spent your entire lifetime chasing the feeling and feeding your void.

The second part of fulfillment is generosity and serving the greater good of humanity. We are wired to contribute to others. Even when we don’t recognize it. I’ve tried everything I thought would fulfill me but nothing comes close to serving others. Serving others doesn’t mean killing yourself just to prove how heroic you are.

Serving others in that way can also be an act of selfishness. You are also important and worth of saving. You can’t save or help others if you are dead. So take time to take care of yourself, then go out there and save others.

Most people think success is fulfillment. Although there might be some similarities, fulfillment is the result of how successful you are. The problem is, tools and the matrix we use to measure success is fraud sometimes. Below is a an example of what success can look like.

Courage

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.” ~ Maya Angelou

Everybody has fear and insecurities. No one on this planet is a perfect human being without something they are afraid of.

It seems like some of us have super powers that gives them the power to do anything they want without resistance. Resistance is real and common to everyone. As I’m writing this, I’m resisting the urge to go to sleep.

It’s 3a.m but my gut says I should stay a little longer. There are few things in life that don’t require courage unless they are not risky.

After several heartbreaks and terrible dates, I hated dating. I once convinced myself I would never date again because it was painful. What I learned soon, is that nothing worthwhile is simple and easy.

My friend likes to say that I’m good with people. She thinks I make friends easily. She is right in some way. No doubt about that. What she doesn’t know is where it all started. She doesn’t know nights I spent learning, reading, and practicing people skills like making conversation and networking.

The truth is, I still struggle talking to people. There is never a time I approach a person without feeling some sort of resistance.

What I now know is that no one else can give me courage to do what I need to do. It’s up to me to force, discipline, and push myself to do things I hate and feel uncomfortable of doing.

At the beginning, I started slow but now I’ve mastered the art of conversation to the point that I no longer have to worry about what I’m going to say.

Courage is not the lack of shame, fear, or resistance. It’s having all of those negative emotions and still choose to do it anyway. If you want to have anything in life, start by developing the art of courage. We need courage to speak up, to change, to give, Follow our dreams.

Without courage life’s challenges, predators, and bullies would sweep us away. The best gift you can install in your friends, family, and people in your life, is being more courageous. We can all use some courage to make our planet a better place by making change which will never happen without courage to make it.

People Skills

"If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together." ~ Unknown.

In his book "Outliers", the author Malcom Gladwell, shocks the world with a bold claim about what makes some people successful than others. Like many people, I used to think being smart was the only thing that can predict someone's success.

This has been the biggest lie we were taught by education institutions. We spend money, study hard, take IQ tests and believe our success is secured. If this was true, the highest IQ owner who ever lived would be the richest person on earth. You know what happened to him? He lacked social skills, family structure, and discipline.

You can be smart, driven, and hardworking but you need people. You need to have a healthy social circle. The issues is, we are not encouraged to pursue relationships and build a social network.

What does it take to build health relationships? You need strong people skills such as emotional intelligence, emotional agility, emotional resilience, and so forth. Why would anyone need all these skills? Because people are emotional beings and understanding emotions is one way to understand them.

These are results of building emotional resilience.

• Not taking everything personally.

• Having and handling difficult conversations.

• Taking criticism.

I know a great programmer who is talented. His only roadblock is people. People seem to drive him crazy. Who has never been driven crazy by humans. We are all crazy and hard to deal with.

Lack of soft skills or people skills is the root cause of conflicts within tribes. It’s the cause of racism and indifference. We can never understand others if we are not willing to embrace and recognize others people’s emotions, cultures, and experiences.

The only reason our society is still standing it’s because of those who care enough to handle the rest of us.

Of all skills we learn in schools, this one isn’t even on the radar. Emotions were never a thing to worry about. All our ancestors cared about was food, shelter, and health. The rest was unknown. What some call soft skills were neglected until recently when corporates started to fail.

Regardless of your intelligence, hard skills, and strengths, you need integrity, trust, resilience, transparency, grit, and being relatable to people in order to succeed. These skills are the foundation of everything we want achieve.

Why do we need them? You might ask. Everything we do is with and for the people. We build businesses, companies, relationships, religions, and communities, for people.

For example, skills like accounting and economics won’t make a client trust you if you are corrupted. Spending money on dates, buying gifts, hosting big parties and weddings won’t sustain our relationships without loyalty, honesty, and trust.

We are always in business with people. This is why it’s imperative to acquire and earnest these often over looked life changing skills called soft skills.

Connection

"Loneliness isn’t the physical absence of people, he said, it’s the sense that you are not sharing anything that matters with anyone else. If you have lots of people around you-perhaps even a husband, or wife, or family, or a busy workplace-but you don’t share anything that matters with them, then you will still be lonely." ~ Johann Hari.

This April, I will be relocating to Kigali, Rwanda. Most people I spoke to discouraged me to go. They don’t understand the reason why I’m moving back to a place where most people would rather run from.

Here is what they don’t know and has never been able to tell them. It’s lack of real connection with people and this place. If it’s people, I have lots of them. Since the day I landed in this country, I’ve been around people.

I’ve taught music in churches, bands, and been part of the community. What most of people don’t know is the real me. I feel like I’ve been showing people the version of that matches with community’s rules and guidelines.

But there is someone they don’t know. As much I spend time to connect with people while building each other up, I reached a point where I felt like no one actually knew me and what I stand for.

The me they saw, was just a shell and a mask. The real me has always been silent, hidden, and waiting for someone to discover him. This version of myself has never been able to let himself out and be seen for what he stands for and what he intends to accomplish of this planet.

I can’t describe the feeling of being seen yet invisible. The feeling of being around people yet ending up feeling like you are on an island.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. ~ Mother Teresa

You know what happened? I became sick, depressed, bored, and disinterested in everything around me. At the beginning I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I lost a lot of weight, had chronic headache, muscle pain, and back pain. I went to the hospital regularly but nothing happened.

Then I turned to the internet and did a thorough research on chronic illnesses like headaches, back problems, and muscle pain. It all became clear. I stubbled on a Ted talk that changed my life. I was suffering from stress, lack of connection, and meaningful work that I cared about.

The problem was connection.

This is why I started investing in my own ideas and dreams. I started writing, video production, and photography.

In addition I made it my weekly mandatory practice and routine to have a deep and meaningful quality time with a dear friend. If I didn’t have one, I made it my mission to find a friend whom we could share everything and connect on a deeper lever.

Fortunately, when I started implementing this plan, everything started falling in place. I found best friends who we spent nights debating, connecting, and helping one another to heal.

I have made it a mission and life long routine to meet with my close friend once a week (on a minimum). During our meeting or hangout, this is what we do:

• Share how our week went in deep and personal details.

• Share dreams and current projects we are working on

• Practice frientimacy by giving constructive feedback, affirmations, positive appreciation, and plan our next hangout.

Those are just a few things on the list. We constantly add more as we grow or depending on a specific need or revelation. We welcome new ideas and practices. I don’t know where my life would have been if I didn’t have this system in my life. I would be like millions of Americans who rely on medications to go through the day.

I’ve met people who can’t get out of their house without taking happy pills. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me. You don’t have to be an addict and victim of your circumstances like depression, stress, and chronic diseases.

You would be surprised to find out how the majority of health issues are linked to stress and lack of social lifestyle. We are never taught to people in our daily life. If we knew how important our social life/relationships are, we would invest in people and connection. It’s cheap and less addicting.

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. ~Robin Williams.

Lack of positive people skills and connection are what is killing millions of people. We are constantly in despair and turn to artificial solutions while all we need is being seen.

Why you need connection

"Modern research has shown that a committed romantic relationship is linked to 49 percent lower mortality risk." ~ Marta Zaraska.

Whatever you are going through, you need to know this. You don’t need to be fixed. You simply need nature’s solution which is connection.

As strange as it sounds, there is such thing called connection. If there is one thing that all my loyal friends have in common with me is connecting at some level. There is no way you can relate to any human being without the ability to connect. You can’t connect if you are uninterested in people.

People are fragile and require diligent care and attention. We can read people’s expressions, feel their emotions, and assume bad intentions because don’t feel connected to them. Which is why, you need to learn the art of connection to be successful with people.

Depression is, in part, grief for your own life not turning out how it should; grief for your own needs not being met. ~ Johann Hari

You don’t need a lot to connect with people. You need to be curious, fully engaged, listen actively, and be present whenever you are interacting with people. The problem is that we are all terrible at paying attention and being present. No wonder relationships suffer.

If we gave to others what we long for, we would be planting a seed and starting a movement which might come back in return to us. If we long for connection, we need to give it first.

The art of connection can improve our relationships and our well-being. Our families will flouring, communities would be strong, and our countries would reign in peace. It all starts with the desire to listen, understand, and caring for others.

The only way to a human’s heart. Relationships require intimacy to survive. There can’t be intimacy without connection. In the end, nothing matters but people.

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” ~ Shannon Alder

For more information about connection click here.